quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
