Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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