as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
