ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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