i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
