just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
