you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize