Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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