what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
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You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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