You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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