i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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