So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
