She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
