you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
