Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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