I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
