i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
