Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
