i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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