All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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