My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
