Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
FUCK WHALES
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
