there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Houston, we have a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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