How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
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how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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