i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
