he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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