i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
