you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
