He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
