This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
