I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
