this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
