He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize