I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
