At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
