bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
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You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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