his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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