we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
