We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize