She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
