Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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