Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I want a musical about memes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize