my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
