I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
