I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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