somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
