You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
