So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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