life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
