I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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