when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
