You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
