hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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