im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she smelled like a LAN party
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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