please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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