i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
