He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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