I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
