Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
