just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
