so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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