Umm I'm too high to move.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
