FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I believe in your delicious
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
