Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
