I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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