I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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