is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
